Letter to the publishers of the Twilight novels...
Making women crazy since 2005 |
Dear Sir or
Madam,
I
am writing to complain about how the Twilight books have destroyed my ability
to get sex. Every girl I meet wants to talk about that damned Edward Cullen and
isn’t interested in a living breathing sexual partner. Instead they prefer a
man’s most intimate of intimates to be cold and blue.
Normally
when I struggle with girls in their twenties I move to women in their forties.
These women are just as bad, in fact they’re even creepier because they are
confident enough to make suggestions like ‘could you dress up like Edward’,
‘will you stand near that open freezer for twenty minutes’ and ‘can I put this
glitter on you’.
Sick!
Because
of those damned books I haven’t had intercourse in 15 months. If a real living
man isn’t good enough we risk turning our women into grave robbers. Picture it:
crazy women loose in graveyards making out with our dead relatives. Do you want
that? Do you?
I
demand you remove them from the shelves immediately and halt this wave of
sexual abnormality. Or send me some vouchers – either is good.
Yours Sincerely
Comments
Post a Comment