Family Circle Fan Letter

Dear Sir or Madam,
 

I am so excited to be writing to you. I really like the ‘clickity’, ‘clackity’ noise of the keyboard under my finger tips. However, I am surprised it’s not more of a ‘thub’, ‘thub’ sound because my keyboard is full of biscuit crumbs. I like your biscuits so much it makes me sad to think there might be a whole biscuits worth of crumbs hiding under the letters on my keyboard. In fact this is my reason for writing this letter today. Simply put, your biscuits are the best. They are one of the things that make me happy to come to work because my boss likes buying us biscuits for when we do well at stuff. I do well at stuff all the time so I can get more biscuits.

I hate to have favourites because I think it shows favouritism and can make people sad. But biscuits aren’t people so it’s ok to have a favourite and my favourite biscuit is the Happy Face one. If biscuits were like people and had feelings I wouldn’t tell them because I like all the others too, and could hurt their little biscuit feelings. It would upset me to see them upset.

Another one I like is the Romany Vanilla Cream. When I eat the Romany Vanilla Cream I feel like I am a worldly wise traveller because Romany is somewhere that isn’t England, I think. And one day at home when there was nothing was on TV (except something with Dale Winton, who makes the colour on my TV go funny), I decided to try and make a Jam Sandwich Cream. I started by making a jam sandwich and then dipped it in milk because we didn’t have cream. It wasn’t very nice and I won’t try it again unless it was for a scientific experiment and no one else could do it except me.

I digress.

Mainly I wanted to say thank you for all your hard work making biscuits because without biscuits we would just have tea. Tea is rubbish without something to dip in it.

 Yours sincerely,

Robert McCaffrey