Minty Bit Stronger

Recently my customer service experiences have been the worst of my entire life. I have been left with my blood boiling, teeth grinding and murder in my eyes. Offenders included the Royal Mail, London Underground, Tesco, Automat, Royal Greenwich Council, South Eastern Trains, M&S, Santander and serial fuck-up BT. Rather than bore you with each complaint in turn I preferred to write about where I think it all went wrong and how we can get good service back. Good customer service is not exclusively served by dead-eyed, smiling Americans in Disney-esque uniforms. It is not something false, over-the-top or designed to illicit gratuities. It has been a method of adding value to a customers interactions with a business. These failing individuals are the faces of the business and when they mishandle our requests they damage the reputation of the company. Good service creates the illusion that a company cares and bad service shows the reality of a company that doesn't. I t...

Sadly I cannot take credit for this Puntastic piece of Genius... Enjoy the best ever complaint letter Pizza Express will ever recieve. Dear Sir/Madam, We recently organised a pay day work night out for Friday 27 th April, booking a table for 14 at the recently opened PizzaExpress restaurant in Blackpool so we could spend our hard-earned dough. However, when we arrived at the restaurant it had a sign outside saying that the extractor fan was broke and it was shut. We kneaded to find somewhere else to eat in a hurry, which as you can imagine was difficult for so many. Unfortunately, all we could find on such short notice was the crusty Indian restaurant round the corner. Topping it all off their card machine was broke so I had to go draw the cash out of the bank to pay for the meal, which will take me a month to claim back from work. It would have been courteous for the restaurant to ring us to let us know they were having their slice of difficulties to al...

Dear Sir or Madam,   I am so excited to be writing to you. I really like the ‘clickity’, ‘clackity’ noise of the keyboard under my finger tips. However, I am surprised it’s not more of a ‘thub’, ‘thub’ sound because my keyboard is full of biscuit crumbs. I like your biscuits so much it makes me sad to think there might be a whole biscuits worth of crumbs hiding under the letters on my keyboard. In fact this is my reason for writing this letter today. Simply put, your biscuits are the best. They are one of the things that make me happy to come to work because my boss likes buying us biscuits for when we do well at stuff. I do well at stuff all the time so I can get more biscuits. I hate to have favourites because I think it shows favouritism and can make people sad. But biscuits aren’t people so it’s ok to have a favourite and my favourite biscuit is the Happy Face one. If biscuits were like people and had feelings I wouldn’t tell them because I like all the others too...

Making women crazy since 2005 Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to complain about how the Twilight books have destroyed my ability to get sex. Every girl I meet wants to talk about that damned Edward Cullen and isn’t interested in a living breathing sexual partner. Instead they prefer a man’s most intimate of intimates to be cold and blue. Normally when I struggle with girls in their twenties I move to women in their forties. These women are just as bad, in fact they’re even creepier because they are confident enough to make suggestions like ‘could you dress up like Edward’, ‘will you stand near that open freezer for twenty minutes’ and ‘can I put this glitter on you’. Sick! Because of those damned books I haven’t had intercourse in 15 months. If a real living man isn’t good enough we risk turning our women into grave robbers. Picture it: crazy women loose in graveyards making out with our dead relatives. Do you want that? Do you? I demand you remove them from ...