Minty Bit Stronger

I feel so dirty, I just ate plain unseasoned chicken straight out of a packet. My only saving grace was that I bought it from M&S. That, and I'm doing it for the diet, the demanding, all consuming diet (honest). Today was the first day the hunger really took hold. Everywhere I looked I saw people eating pizzas or microwave meals or Starburst. Every where I heard them talking about food, 'what did you eat last night?', 'what are you eating tonight?' Who gives a toss! Nowhere was safe not even the toilet where I heard mention of a eclair sized poo. Why eclair? Surely there are better things you could use to describe the little gift the previous user of the cubicle had left in situ. I despair! Then the Train home, how bad can that be, eh? I open my book and read a whole chapter on the preparation of a feast... I was nearly eating the pages, the woman opposite readin 'Eat, pray, love' nearly got a slap and the kid eating a doughnut nearly got thrown fro...

This is day one of the 'Big autumn health kick'. I'm employing every diet trick I know to shift a whopping 30lbs. In addition to dieting I'm now, officially a gym bunny. I've never, in my life so far, felt quite so queer. The boot met the derriere yesterday after I miscalculated my weight gain. Instead of seeing an extra 10 evil lbs I saw an army of 20 of the little bastards. Panic genuinely set in! It was very nearly a case of 'instant bulimia' but then, before me a vision appeared. Tyra Banks : model, tv presenter, chat show host, inventor, producer, business woman, style guru, and apparition (apparently!) If Tyra's taught us anything, it's that gut chucking to get thin is bad. (Like, seriously, you know!?) She whispered her wise words, struck a pose and told me to watch out for her next series (or 'Cycle') on Living. Feeling inspired and a little confused as to how my visions appear to be sponsored by Sky, I set about buildi...