Minty Bit Stronger

With Christmas parties approaching every civilised member of society is now weighed down with worry: What to wear? Well, this is a question I'm going to 'skirt' around (see what I did there) and direct your attention to the the fact you could wear anything if you we're super skinny! But you're not you're a fatty-bum-bum! So don't worry about the outfit, just worry about your weight instead! Now that your self esteem is at an all time low I, like thousands of glossy magazines before me, will flog you a novelty diet to help you look like the unrealistic ideal self image you have fixed in your minds eye. So here it is:- Robert's Mega Good Guide to Drinking Yourself Skinny! Sweet Red Russian Let's start with something simple. I read somewhere that cranberries are good for something and Mary Poppins said a spoonful of sugar was good (with medicine) so mix the white stuff into the cranberry juice and then add crap loads of vodka. Easy. ...

I t’s that time of year again when the pre-holiday  panic to shed a few pounds (or if we’re  completely honest a miracle stone) takes a grip  that refuses to yield. This time, however, I  resolved to take a grown-up stance and try something  that would kick start a more long-term lifestyle shift.   And so it was that, after waving a daunting farewell  to the Venti coffees and croissants – my daily sugary  crutches – I found myself in receipt of a giant box of  detox juices, vitamins, and – that most terrifying of  things – an enema kit. My Purifyne Detox had arrived.  Now, I don’t consider myself unusual for regarding  two days’ separation from the Rioja a challenge; in my  world, a helping of strawberry cheesecake and a  banana daiquiri more than account for my five-a-day.  Unsurprisingly then, confronted with a 14-day eating  plan of various fruit juices and herbal teas I feared I’d  bitten off...

"Moi, overtly sexual? Surely not!" When lusty, busty Nigella Lawson first graced my TV screen I was rapt. Not by her curves, sexuality or pouting but by the fact a TV cookery show could be entertaining rather than instructional. Maybe it was the style of shooting with quick fire cuts, close ups, steady-cam movements and the urgent feel of her making it in real time. Kind of like an NYPD of cookery without the body count. (Although, saying that, Nigella was merciless when it came to high fat, meat, cheese, cream and sugary recipes. I'm sure she has single handedly raised the UK mortality rate with her calorific recipes. Maybe there is a body count!) The new format, the sexed up middle class temtress and the glutonous food made TV cookery appealing for the first time in years. There can be no doubt that the high fat, high sugar, artery clogging cuisine was a huge part of the appeal... The food wasn't healthy, it was decadent, desirable and yet entirely real...

Welcome to the new look Minty Bit Stronger Page. Seeing the season is changing and soon we'll even be flung an hour through time to 'save daylight' I thought it high time for a makeover. Like Madonna's ever changing look I am sure this will be the first reboot of many ...and hopefully (unlike Madge) each one a little better than the last. Speaking of improvements - this page hasn't been the only thing I have set out to remodel. The bigger task by far (and not something that can be done at a computer in an hour) has been the attempted streamlining and optimisation of my-lardy-fat-arse. Robert v1.2 is being beta tested as we speak and should be available on the high street (shopping for skinny jeans) by the end of April. I, the aforementioned Robert, have been dieting like hell and walking my wobbly-weight off. The following things I have learned along my journey (so far), read on if you too have a few pounds to shift. (Go away if you are already perfect):- ...

Dear Sir or Madam,   I am so excited to be writing to you. I really like the ‘clickity’, ‘clackity’ noise of the keyboard under my finger tips. However, I am surprised it’s not more of a ‘thub’, ‘thub’ sound because my keyboard is full of biscuit crumbs. I like your biscuits so much it makes me sad to think there might be a whole biscuits worth of crumbs hiding under the letters on my keyboard. In fact this is my reason for writing this letter today. Simply put, your biscuits are the best. They are one of the things that make me happy to come to work because my boss likes buying us biscuits for when we do well at stuff. I do well at stuff all the time so I can get more biscuits. I hate to have favourites because I think it shows favouritism and can make people sad. But biscuits aren’t people so it’s ok to have a favourite and my favourite biscuit is the Happy Face one. If biscuits were like people and had feelings I wouldn’t tell them because I like all the others too...

Hi, it's Jayne from the Bodychef. If you still need to lose weight I'd like to remind you that this 10% voucher code BODYTXT expires at the end of this month. Just use it online or over the phone. - www.bodychef.com - e-mail: jayne@bodychef.com - call me: 01502581162 - To unsubscribe txt NO Hi jayne, thank you for the reminder. I am not yet at my goal weight and really appreciate the support you are offering. My other friends say I'm not fat but I'm glad I have you to tell it like it is. However, I'm just not sure this is the best thing for me... I've heard very mixed reviews and imagine the food to be a little yucky! Can you allay my fears? Oh... And Jayne, I don't own a microwave, is that a problem? I'm afraid of the radiation... In fact I'm holding my phone at arms length because I'm afraid the text might fry me. I heard mobile's emit radiation too. Do you think that's true? Any way, I digress... What were you saying again?

I feel so dirty, I just ate plain unseasoned chicken straight out of a packet. My only saving grace was that I bought it from M&S. That, and I'm doing it for the diet, the demanding, all consuming diet (honest). Today was the first day the hunger really took hold. Everywhere I looked I saw people eating pizzas or microwave meals or Starburst. Every where I heard them talking about food, 'what did you eat last night?', 'what are you eating tonight?' Who gives a toss! Nowhere was safe not even the toilet where I heard mention of a eclair sized poo. Why eclair? Surely there are better things you could use to describe the little gift the previous user of the cubicle had left in situ. I despair! Then the Train home, how bad can that be, eh? I open my book and read a whole chapter on the preparation of a feast... I was nearly eating the pages, the woman opposite readin 'Eat, pray, love' nearly got a slap and the kid eating a doughnut nearly got thrown fro...

This is day one of the 'Big autumn health kick'. I'm employing every diet trick I know to shift a whopping 30lbs. In addition to dieting I'm now, officially a gym bunny. I've never, in my life so far, felt quite so queer. The boot met the derriere yesterday after I miscalculated my weight gain. Instead of seeing an extra 10 evil lbs I saw an army of 20 of the little bastards. Panic genuinely set in! It was very nearly a case of 'instant bulimia' but then, before me a vision appeared. Tyra Banks : model, tv presenter, chat show host, inventor, producer, business woman, style guru, and apparition (apparently!) If Tyra's taught us anything, it's that gut chucking to get thin is bad. (Like, seriously, you know!?) She whispered her wise words, struck a pose and told me to watch out for her next series (or 'Cycle') on Living. Feeling inspired and a little confused as to how my visions appear to be sponsored by Sky, I set about buildi...