Minty Bit Stronger

Since Alexander McQueen committed suicide in 2010, Britain's beautifully upholstered fashion throne has remained empty. Wave after wave of up-and-coming designers have dreamt of planting their pristine derrières on the red velvet cushion and claim the fashion crown. Previous pretenders to the thrown include Matthew Williams, Julian McDonald and Stella MaCartney. Each with their own tragic tale of disappointment and failure. Matthew Williams will never take the crown after an ill fated collaboration with H&M that was instantly forgettable. Well do you remember it? E ven he can't recall it. Julian is buried under lip gloss and botox judging Grimsby's next top model demonstrating that when you can no longer design, it's best to retire to a TV panel and talk shit. Stella, daughter of the leather faced Beatle, designed the unforgivable England Olympic kit that looked normal on Will.i.am but made everyone else look like a crack head space cadet. So, with t...

While trawling the vintage shops of Shoreditch I uncovered the key trends for autumn/winter 2012. Read on and discover what you need to wear in the coming months if you wish to retain credibility amongst your fashion  forward  friends and colleagues. Prison orange colour blocking Kim Kardashion has taken a break from being a dirty slut from a family of fame hungry whores. The memory of a sex video has long since been replaced instead by hundreds of images of her posing like a greased up oversexed baby seal. I digress... Remember her (deceased) lawyer father who famously defended OJ Simpson for that double murder. The racism defence was born and America lost 100 years of civil advancements in the blink of one jury verdict; a proud day. This last detail is being cleverly subverted by Kim when she decided to make prison orange a la mode. She's a fashion genius subverting her family connections to the darkest side of American celebrity by wearing the...

On Friday I was lucky enough to attend to the Sorapol Autumn/Winter Show 2012 after being invited by LittleMissLove . I learned a great deal about the Fashion year ahead... such as... well, we'll all be wearing Human Skulls in our hair, or the fur of a bear on our head ...and we'll have an unearthly, deathly pallor to our skin. Like the weird sparkly shit in twilight except high fashion instead of totally, like, you know, gay! Another valuable lesson learned was that Boy George isn't at all an obese, attention grabbing, pointless has-been in a stupid hat. He is certainly not rude, irritating or badly dressed and didn't spend the entire show trying to upstage the models. I am glad I had the opportunity to clear that up for anyone who mistakenly thought he was a washed up fat prick (with a painted chin). Finally, I learned that designers steal from each other. Matthew Williamson was there stealing ideas - I discovered this when I stole his invite....

I like fashion, I like pictures and I especially like talking nonsense. In my fashion layout below I got to do all three. Ten kind, willing and obviously daft individuals from my place of work kindly offered their gorgeous glad rags for our delectation. Please check out the beautiful outfits below and feel free to wish you worked along side such hotties. Property Guru Carrie Wears Gucci Shoes paired with Primark Cardigan and H&M Dress, ring Models own. Indie Girl Fay teams Therapy dress from House of Frasier with All Saints Jacket (£250) and vintage boots. PA Superstar Sean-Paul mixes high-end and high-street. Jeans (Topman £35), Shirt (Primark £5), Cardigan (Primark £15), Shoes (Freddy Perry £35) Princess Sophie matches Topshop Print dress with oversize Jacket. Perfecting the look with Kurt Geiger Shoes. Omishola runs with the classic all-woman silhouette in purple pencil shirt and plunge pendant. Olive Dresses...

It must be London fashion week, that's all I can think. Or maybe Vivienne Westwood is now a transmutable plague spreading through the London population faster than a Katie Price rebound. Packed onto my first train this morning I have a Tartan beard so fashion forward he makes Alexander McQueen's Armadillo look positively pre-historic. Decked out in scottish magic eye from head to toe he manages to look both 'sudoku-esque' and 'militantly patriotic'. I mentally vomit on him. My journey can cause no further retinal pain, surely. Spoke to soon, my lumbering carriage pulls into New Cross where I am shocked to spot another die hard trendy. The baggy 'knob-head' jumper combined with ubër skinny jeans makes me wretch, but not nearly as much as the Elvis-on-acid greasy do. This pretentious streak of dribble piss has some liquorice coloured Mr whippy spilling down his forehead. As far as chip-fat-chic goes it is fairly impressive but something about it...