Minty Bit Stronger

Sadly I cannot take credit for this Puntastic piece of Genius... Enjoy the best ever complaint letter Pizza Express will ever recieve. Dear Sir/Madam, We recently organised a pay day work night out for Friday 27 th April, booking a table for 14 at the recently opened PizzaExpress restaurant in Blackpool so we could spend our hard-earned dough. However, when we arrived at the restaurant it had a sign outside saying that the extractor fan was broke and it was shut. We kneaded to find somewhere else to eat in a hurry, which as you can imagine was difficult for so many. Unfortunately, all we could find on such short notice was the crusty Indian restaurant round the corner. Topping it all off their card machine was broke so I had to go draw the cash out of the bank to pay for the meal, which will take me a month to claim back from work. It would have been courteous for the restaurant to ring us to let us know they were having their slice of difficulties to al...

I feel so dirty, I just ate plain unseasoned chicken straight out of a packet. My only saving grace was that I bought it from M&S. That, and I'm doing it for the diet, the demanding, all consuming diet (honest). Today was the first day the hunger really took hold. Everywhere I looked I saw people eating pizzas or microwave meals or Starburst. Every where I heard them talking about food, 'what did you eat last night?', 'what are you eating tonight?' Who gives a toss! Nowhere was safe not even the toilet where I heard mention of a eclair sized poo. Why eclair? Surely there are better things you could use to describe the little gift the previous user of the cubicle had left in situ. I despair! Then the Train home, how bad can that be, eh? I open my book and read a whole chapter on the preparation of a feast... I was nearly eating the pages, the woman opposite readin 'Eat, pray, love' nearly got a slap and the kid eating a doughnut nearly got thrown fro...