Minty Bit Stronger

Dear Sir or Madam,   I am so excited to be writing to you. I really like the ‘clickity’, ‘clackity’ noise of the keyboard under my finger tips. However, I am surprised it’s not more of a ‘thub’, ‘thub’ sound because my keyboard is full of biscuit crumbs. I like your biscuits so much it makes me sad to think there might be a whole biscuits worth of crumbs hiding under the letters on my keyboard. In fact this is my reason for writing this letter today. Simply put, your biscuits are the best. They are one of the things that make me happy to come to work because my boss likes buying us biscuits for when we do well at stuff. I do well at stuff all the time so I can get more biscuits. I hate to have favourites because I think it shows favouritism and can make people sad. But biscuits aren’t people so it’s ok to have a favourite and my favourite biscuit is the Happy Face one. If biscuits were like people and had feelings I wouldn’t tell them because I like all the others too...

This is day one of the 'Big autumn health kick'. I'm employing every diet trick I know to shift a whopping 30lbs. In addition to dieting I'm now, officially a gym bunny. I've never, in my life so far, felt quite so queer. The boot met the derriere yesterday after I miscalculated my weight gain. Instead of seeing an extra 10 evil lbs I saw an army of 20 of the little bastards. Panic genuinely set in! It was very nearly a case of 'instant bulimia' but then, before me a vision appeared. Tyra Banks : model, tv presenter, chat show host, inventor, producer, business woman, style guru, and apparition (apparently!) If Tyra's taught us anything, it's that gut chucking to get thin is bad. (Like, seriously, you know!?) She whispered her wise words, struck a pose and told me to watch out for her next series (or 'Cycle') on Living. Feeling inspired and a little confused as to how my visions appear to be sponsored by Sky, I set about buildi...