Do the Carlton

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Three easy steps to winning Twitter competitions.

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Today I should be calling businesses in the hope of selling a crappy e-newsletter sponsorship. Knowing that the only person dumb enough to say ‘yes’ would have to have had a full frontal lobotomy performed by a spastic at the wheels of a JCB. Sadly, this type of client is few and far between so rather than try I decided my day would be better spent entering lots of competitions on Twitter. In my pursuit of twitter glory I learned there are certain rules you must abide by if you wish to win. Here is my Guide to winning competitions on twitter. Firstly , you must react fast. Sometimes the competitions are time sensitive so you cannot be hindered by slow downloads or sluggish uploads. I advise that you avoid electro-magnetic fields which are proven to delay electrical impulses by hundredths of a millisecond. In addition to stepping away from the TV, Radio or the Rampant Rabbit you will need to wear natural fibres. Man made fibres collect static which can be also be hazardous...
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Cowboy Builders at Chez Gay

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  Click here to watch Much to my horror I recently discovered that our building maintenance manager was featured on Cowboy Builders – see link above. Andrea Binda and he’s a seemingly charming and jolly individual. The reality is slightly different, - isn’t it always? Andrea Binda did a little work in our flat described at the time as a ‘free fix up’ that will ‘saved you loads of money’. I later received an unexpected Invoice which of course, I disputed immediately. Without fuss or fanfare it vanished. It would seem to be acceptable practice for my Building manager to employ the services of a chancer. Watching the programme above I gathered that perhaps his days as a whole-sale con man / chancer might be over but he’s still not someone I particularly trust. See earlier Pound Coin of Doom blog for more details on the idiots who manage my building. What do I do with this information? Should I go to the Estate Agents? Should I blog ab...
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A little tipple

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Eating, drinking are the two undeniable pillars of a successful 21st century social life. We all know sport, education and hobbies all add to our well being but only a total mutant-hunch-back-bob-haired-big-nosed loser would imply you can succeed (survive) off the latter. I am a drinker and eater... It's my social manna and the way I forge fast, strong, well judged relationships. Watch someone eat and learn about social standing and class. Drink with them and uncover allegiances and honest truths. Reach culinary or alcohol oblivion and arrive united at a euphoria that bonds forever. We consume and digest as a species and this is the glue that holds us together apart from the slack jawed banana chomping apes. We should be proud of our discoveries in booze and baguettes. Both these glories are miracles that socially and chemically inhance us and the way we relate to each other. No one, to my knowledge, ever went to war over a glass of merlot or a humous dip. Of course booze ...
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