Do the Carlton

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Three easy steps to winning Twitter competitions.

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Today I should be calling businesses in the hope of selling a crappy e-newsletter sponsorship. Knowing that the only person dumb enough to say ‘yes’ would have to have had a full frontal lobotomy performed by a spastic at the wheels of a JCB. Sadly, this type of client is few and far between so rather than try I decided my day would be better spent entering lots of competitions on Twitter. In my pursuit of twitter glory I learned there are certain rules you must abide by if you wish to win. Here is my Guide to winning competitions on twitter. Firstly , you must react fast. Sometimes the competitions are time sensitive so you cannot be hindered by slow downloads or sluggish uploads. I advise that you avoid electro-magnetic fields which are proven to delay electrical impulses by hundredths of a millisecond. In addition to stepping away from the TV, Radio or the Rampant Rabbit you will need to wear natural fibres. Man made fibres collect static which can be also be hazardous...
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Cowboy Builders at Chez Gay

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  Click here to watch Much to my horror I recently discovered that our building maintenance manager was featured on Cowboy Builders – see link above. Andrea Binda and he’s a seemingly charming and jolly individual. The reality is slightly different, - isn’t it always? Andrea Binda did a little work in our flat described at the time as a ‘free fix up’ that will ‘saved you loads of money’. I later received an unexpected Invoice which of course, I disputed immediately. Without fuss or fanfare it vanished. It would seem to be acceptable practice for my Building manager to employ the services of a chancer. Watching the programme above I gathered that perhaps his days as a whole-sale con man / chancer might be over but he’s still not someone I particularly trust. See earlier Pound Coin of Doom blog for more details on the idiots who manage my building. What do I do with this information? Should I go to the Estate Agents? Should I blog ab...
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The Pound Coin of Doom!

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My mood has been as black as it comes today with wave after wave of bad news grinding me down. One of my grievances is a battered pound coin has ironically managed to cause £135 worth of damage. My house manager, a gruesome Italian man who looks slightly like The Penguin, has been waddling in and out of my flat for days trying to establish why the washing machine is Kaput! Finally an engineer was called who discovered the errant coinage and issued a bill of biblical proportions for his heroic work. In addition to this excessive billing he scrawled some advice on the invoice suggesting we don’t overload the socket in the washer room… Oh thanks – is that how the pound coin got stuck? We overloaded the socket! Thanks, Einstein! Practically, invaluable advice aside I’m still utterly hung up on the fact that as soon as I have the vague sniff of some extra money in one nostril I have an epic cash nosebleed out the other. Maybe I’m over reacting and maybe I should just junk up on some leve...
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